While I lay there motionless, a billion beautiful butterflies took off from my field, their two billion pairs of gentle wings cracked a windstorm into my painstakingly manicured landscape, and with them they steadily carried away the shattering pieces of my perfectly planned life.

Category: new love

Inhale; exhale, you.

In some moments it becomes clear;

like closing your hands around air,

there is nothing you can keep.

There are only things you can feel.

Letting go is even an illusion.

There is nothing to let go of;

you can’t hold on to air.

You can just feel it.

Just feel it.

Passing across your skin;

or coolingly scented entering the middle of your face;

filling your lungs, coursing through your veins, escaping between your lips.

And then gone,

passing over 1,000s of miles over salty water and dry deserts.

Sometimes you can watch it go.

Always you can feel it.

Never can you keep it,

just- so.


The COLD OF ANXIETY: what to do when you or your partner get anxiously close in connection

Things got toasty the other night- and when I left to walk the cold street alone- I felt an extra chill in the air in the spot you took up just moments before.

That is when I caught it. THE COLD OF ANXIETY. It just came right over me like the brisk winter wind and it chiiiiilled me. I almost vomited right there.

The next morning I was all stuffed up and snotty and weak. I called you up. You were fine. I was babbling incoherently, but you just listened to my questions: Do you miss me? Are you going to go out with someone else this week? What is your intention in dating? Are you looking for a relationship?

And you answered best you could. I told you I was just sick. I could tell it was in me. My head was so stuffed up- your voice had to push through the fog between us- you felt so far away though you were as close as you were yesterday. I asked if you could just give me a little extra tender love and care; I was sure this COLD OF ANXIETY would pass in not too long of time. You brought me soup and a warm blanket, you tucked me in and stayed til I fell asleep.

Please don’t catch my COLD OF ANXIETY. It isn’t yours. Its a sick deep in me, I just need some cozy time with myself to heal. It will pass and we will be back to normal. But if you catch this cold- we may keep passing it back and forth. Just be patient, and kind, and loving- and let me heal this.

I feel better today. Thanks for sticking around and not being a germ a phobe.

When it is your turn…when you’ve come down with your own muck; I’ll bring over a movie, and some vitamins and tea. We’ll make it through alright. You and me.

love is like a bruise on the hip.

It’s like when you are dancing and someone starts dancing with you, and they’re rough and maybe a little inebriated- and maybe you’re a little inebriated- or just new at dancing- but you go for it full force and it is fun and thrilling and you want it to last forever but then the two of you go crashing into the nearby table and you smash your hip hard- or maybe your partner just drops you on the floor cause they had no idea what they were doing either and when you are done wincing over the pain and open your eyes, they are gone- probably cause they are embarrassed or perhaps they got tired of dancing- maybe they’re trying out biking- who knows- they’ve disappeared and all that is left of that magical moment is the fabulous memory and a gargantuan bruise on your hip. And that shit was fun and so you practice some more- get a little less sloppy, and the bruise heals up, mostly- but not completely- ever- you walk around with that soft spot forever and sometimes, a new special someone will poke you right there, on that tender spot and you will wince and remember from whence it came and you will steady yourself to brace the clumsy feeling of learning a new dance, because not dancing, is not an option.