So I look at his facebook every few months…that’s what you do in 2014

by abillionbeautifulbutterflies

I married you once. A dark mysterious illusion where I loved and lived in the cracks of light between it’s shadows, until the morning you pointed out that all there was, was shadow. I had to open my eyes, had to stop living in the images behind my eyelids, had to stare into reality. I only look at your facebook page once every few months. That’s healthy enough, right? I stare into your eyes, admittedly lighter now than the last year of our marriage. Sometimes I stumble on some pics of our beginning. Like a game, I attempt to conjure my old feelings for you, the ones I’d promised to hold for my ever, and then had to painstakingly remove or somehow put to rest in a past. It hurts to see the tagged pictures of you and your her of almost 2 years posted by one of our 95 mutual friends. It hurts the way the truth should hurt. You look happy. And so I’m happy for you. I don’t understand how this is this way, but it’s not my business to understand. I trust the universe has set our courses accurately. I love living in Seattle. I just bought a scooter and a plane ticket to Mexico for Los Dias De Los Muertos. I went sailing today. And I signed up to volunteer at the Center for Wooden Boats, I’m going to refinish boats! I’m all good. I once married you. All I miss, is the future I had planned. And that future of mine, is not for you. Filling out the divorce paperwork has been on my to do list for too long.

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